the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize