Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Send help, water and tortillas.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
