that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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