You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
