i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
