You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
