the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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