You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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