i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
