Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
