Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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