he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
