You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
