I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize