Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
