Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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