Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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