No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
