i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
