Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
