All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
