you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
