He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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