I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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