uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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