just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
