Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
