I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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