Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
bring money and cleavage
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
