my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
