Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
