I can text with my tongue
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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