The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
