It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
