I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
