just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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