Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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