Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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