She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
