the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
