Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
