i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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