I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
