I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
