My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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