she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
