I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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