she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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