Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
