life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
youre lurking in front of me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
