He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
