38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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