I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
