i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
