so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
