i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
