Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
