wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
