How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
