I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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