He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
