the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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