I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Boobs speak an international language.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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