I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i love accidental penises.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
