You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
