it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
