it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
