I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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