The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
