Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
