Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
