i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
