You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
