Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
