i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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