I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
