soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
