she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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