i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
