So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
