coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
