you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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