My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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