She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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