I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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