Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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