remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think a kid would responsible me up
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
