I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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