I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize