dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
