You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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