I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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