Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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