People in love make me want to vomit
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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