Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
