When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
