Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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