I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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