she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
