My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
