i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
