I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
