Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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