Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
