Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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