I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize