Tell her she can't have a vagina
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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