He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
