We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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