I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
