The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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