I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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