I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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