I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
