Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
