Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
